The Value of Rambling

I find this method of communication to be absolutely fascinating. It's not a diary, because it's meant to be open to anyone who wishes to read it...but, while public, it's not a conversation either. When I read a person's blog, I see it as a window into his mind, as I am allowed to witness the way he thinks when left to the uninterrupted ramblings of his own soul. It's quite interesting.

So here is a bit of rambling from my mind tonight. It started with an event that happened in my pharmacy yesterday. I work in a pharmacy that specializes in serving MHMR patients...so a good majority of our customers are mentally disturbed in one way or another. There are a lot of funny stories I get out of this, and I often joke with my friends about the "crazies" that I get to see every day. (In fact, just this weekend I was tickled pink by a shirt I found that said "PSYCH WARD" on it. It seemed perfect!...until my boyfriend was kind enough to point out that I really couldn't wear it to work ((a little too close to the truth)), and what use is a shirt that I can't wear?) But while I can sometimes laugh, I always do so with the knowledge that, when you get down to it, mental illness isn't funny. The best example of this came walking in yesterday. He was a middle aged man, probably about 40 or so, and when he came in he had tears running down his face. I just smiled as kindly as I could and started working on his prescription, but I overheard him talking with another customer as he waited. He was saying that he was upset with God:

"...I love Jesus, but see, that's why I'm mad at God. I just can't forgive him for turning his back on Jesus the way He did. I know how it feels because...because...my father turned his back on me!"

And here he broke down into sobs that would just break your heart. I almost started bawling right there in the pharmacy. Fortunately, the customer this man was talking to turned out to be a solid Christian guy, who patiently explained that Jesus chose his path and submitted to His death because he wanted to save us, not because He had no choice. He went on to talk about how Jesus' love was only half of the picture, and that God the Father suffered at least as much as Jesus did when He chose to pour out his wrath on His beloved and perfect Son, in order to spare sinners like us.

The conversation kept going in that vein, and while I couldn't listen to it all because I was working, I was comforted to know that Mr. Biggs (the Christian customer) was taking care of things in the best way possible. Still, I don't really think that our disturbed patient really understood what Mr. Biggs was saying to him. And this is where the really heartbreaking truth comes in. I know, from what I have seen day in and day out, that there are some people who are simply incapable of understanding the truth of Christianity. Like this man, they sometimes pick up on certain aspects of it, but they can't quite grasp the whole truth, so they end up with a skewed view. They're not choosing to ignore the truth, nor are they simply ignorant in a way that a little education would fix. They are mentally unable to understand. It kills me to think that there are people--like these--who have no chance of understanding the comfort of a living faith.

This is one of those things, right next to children who die in infancy, that non-Christians like to throw in my face and say, "Well if your God is so loving, how could He let such tragic things happen to the people He created?" And of course, my answer is not one that ever satisfies those non-believing types. All I say is, "God is the Creator, and He is the Authority, and we know from the way He has revealed His character to us that He is the essence of everything that is good. So, whatever happens, even when babies are aborted, and people are born with mental or physical problems, and tsunamis wipe out thousands of people in one day, I can trust that God is good, and whatever he decides is right, whether I understand it or not." This never satisfies those people because I am operating from the basic assumption that God is good, which I can't prove to them, I suppose. Still, what I don't tell them is that it's difficult for me, even while I'm trusting in God's goodness one hundred percent, to witness those exact same things. It seems just as senseless to me, really. I'm trusting that there's a method behind the madness, but it is still disturbing to me. I went home that day feeling a burden...I certainly wasn't laughing.

Keep it real y'all

MullTrain