Lately I've been non-busy enough to become rather introspective and do a little soul-searching. One never really likes what one finds as a result of that activity (generally speaking), but I am most appalled by a weakness I'd never really identified as such before.
I have so, so little compassion.
When I think of Jesus and the life He lived, and the way He died for the sins of humanity, one of the first words to jump to mind is "compassion." Compassion is one of the most important qualities for any Christian to aspire to. Compassion for the lost, compassion for the needy, compassion for the downhearted. But I have very little compassion for anybody. Why am I so heartless?
Take the last few days, for instance. This weekend one of my least favorite coworkers got fired, and my reaction was excitement, something along the lines of "Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead!" I felt slightly guilty about that, but only because I was well aware that people aren't supposed to enjoy it when other people lose their jobs, and that slight guilt really didn't change the fact that his termination made my week. Then today, when my boss told me that he had called crying (he really is in a bad situation now), I laughed. I wasn't laughing to keep from crying, I was laughing because I thought it was funny. "Ha ha, what a pansy. His girlfriend must've given him a black eye." How ugly is that reaction? Then when I got home, I read on my friend's blog that her car had gotten broken into and her credit card and ID got stolen. The first thought that ran through my mind, instead of concern, was "Why did she leave her credit card and ID in the car in the first place?" (I'm sorry Karen. I really am sorry you lost those things, and especially your Bible.)
So you see the pattern here? I'm absolutely heartless, there's no way around it. I rarely offer sympathy to anyone who comes complaining to me. While that's not always a bad thing (people who are really being ridiculous don't need to be coddled), I really don't like this pattern. I think Jesus needs to change me.
Just throwing that out there. I might find some other things that need to go while I'm at it.
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6 comments:
JD, don't worry about it. I've felt that way too, several times, like when Sam quit, etc. And I'm not really sure why they broke into my car. It was like the worst car to break into. The things in my car can be replaced, and the joke really is on Satan. I had packed another bible, so i'm not without a bible. I cried to Jesus, asking him to fill my needs, and the most valuable thing was my bible, which is referred to the "Sword of the Spirit" and "sharper than a double edged sword." And it "doesn't return to him void." God prepared me, and i'm doing well adjusting to not leaving my car in the street *but i absolutely hate our driveway!*
Ok, I'm gone
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