Life, Love, Death

I went to work this morning as usual, but the day turned unusual really quickly. My mom called and told me that one of my friends from high school died last night. A girl whom I had loved and respected...whose family I still love...we laughed together, decided we were both going to marry baseball players after high school (preferably Oakland A's)...went to each other's houses...celebrated each other's successes...and now, suddenly, she's gone.

I haven't seen this girl in the flesh in 3 years, since we graduated, but I've been living next door to her older sister for the last several months, and we had kept up with each other a bit over Facebook and our blogs. I have no doubt at all that she was a Christian, a true daughter of the King, so I'm not worried about the fate of her soul. But I'm just kind of in shock right now. And my heart breaks for her family...whom I know pretty well. What would you do if a close family member just suddenly died? No one knows what happened to her exactly...they'll do an autopsy this week sometime...something just went wrong. How does a mother, or a father, or a brother, or a sister, deal with that?

And if a 21 year old, healthy girl can die...I can't take my own life or anyone else's for granted.

But I feel guilty about being alive. Survivor guilt...it's totally irrational, but I can't help feeling guilty when I sit and watch a baseball game with my dad, thinking about poor Jon who doesn't have his daughter to watch baseball with anymore. Poor Jon who is about to have the worst Father's Day ever, tomorrow.

My life will go on...but I feel guilty about that. Yet I know that Lauren's life was exactly as long as it was supposed to be. It may seem to us like her life was cut short, but God designed her with exactly 21 years in mind. And she's with Him now. So all I can do is pray for her family...and thank God for the certainty and peace of mind He brings to his children, even in the face of death.