I Love Weddings!

...especially ones that are done right. Tonight was the wedding of two of my friends, and it was lovely. It was a very God-centered, good ceremony, followed by a reception where great fun was had by all.

I got to see several good friends of mine, including Laura, shown here:
The ceremony was held in this really historic and pretty building downtown. It's got a balcony all around the main room, and most of the college kids got to sit up there. One of my girl friends, who was sitting in the balcony with a whole group of us, dropped her purse over the railing and it hit some guy on the head who was sitting down below. Lol we're pretty sure he was okay, though. Then, not long before the ceremony, there was apparently an exploding toilet episode (the guests were cleaning up toilet water), but it was resolved in time for the important stuff to go perfectly smoothly.

Afterward, they had a great reception. There was real food there (you should have seen Jonny packing it away), and a dance, and the bride and groom mingled with everyone. We did the hokey-pokey (sp?), followed by a rousing game of musical chairs:

Then, my boyfriend--amid fierce competition (wink)--ended up catching the garter. He's wearing the dark coat, while his roommate Brent is looking on in amusement, wearing the white shirt:

You know, that's the second garter he's caught in the space of 4 months. Hmm. I have a suspicion that these things keep getting aimed at him. :)

So anyway, it was a fun evening. One of the highlights for me personally was when Brent, completely out of the blue, hollered at me, "Jenny! I'm loving the dress!" I had just bought it earlier this afternoon, since I wanted something appropriate for the occasion. I believe I had some of the girl friends compliment it too, but Brent's comment was the best, since guys (unlike girls) will never compliment your dress just because they can't think of anything else to say. They pretty much will only say something if they mean it. So I consider that one a very high honor. :)

So that was tonight. Good food, good fun, and I wish Alissa and Andy all the happiness in the world. I'm very confident that they will go the distance!

Now it's time to put the roast in, and then to bed. Good night!

My Lake of Shining Waters

About a year ago, I wrote this post about the pond I live next to. Last week, I suddenly realized that since I now keep a digital camera around (thanks to my very obliging boyfriend), I can now show you what a lovely little place I live in:


That picnic table is one of my favorite places to sit and do homework or read on a nice spring afternoon. In August it's a bit toasty for that, but the lake is still a lovely presence, always there in the morning when I leave and in the evening when I come home from work. I know that if I ever move somewhere else, I will really miss my little pond.

Spiritual Gifts Inventory...Bah Humbug

The other day, when I was visiting my friend Lee, we got to talking about spiritual gifts. She had a spiritual gifts survery handy (she's a minister's wife, she's got all kinds of resources), and she asked me to take it when I got home. I did, and I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and discussing it with Lee, my parents, and my boyfriend.

The result of the survey said that my top gifts are Teaching, Knowledge, and Administration. Administration seemed kind of random, but I guess since I've never really been placed in an administrative position, there's no way for me to know whether I'd do well at it or not. Other than that, the results aren't anything I hadn't been expecting. But you know, I don't really think that a "spiritual gifts inventory" is really the best way to figure out where I should be serving.

I don't mean to be overly cynical, but who decided that we all needed to "discover our spiritual gift" anyway? I mean, when Paul talks about spiritual gifts in the New Testament, I don't think he's saying that we need to go on some sort of inward quest for spiritual enlightenment, in order to discover our purpose in life. Instead, he is trying to keep Christians from judging each other and competing with each other because of the different ministries they are focused on. He's reminding the people that, if church member Joe is not as focused on evangelism as church member Sam, it could be because he has the gift of administration instead. Sam shouldn't think less of Joe and abuse him just because he doesn't spend as much time visiting people at their homes and handing out pies; he's updating the church's member database instead. Paul's point is that different people are gifted for different aspects of ministry, and we need all those gifts to keep the Church running smoothly.

So this whole "spiritual gift quest" doesn't seem Biblical to me. It seems like a reflection of a more modern, secular idea...this whole thing about "find your inner voice" or "discover the truth within," and that sort of mumbo-jumbo. And the "inventory" seems more like a personality test than a true evaluation of how the Holy Spirit has gifted you. Spiritual gifts aren't the same as personality traits! They may be related, of course, but a personality test, even a super-spiritual one, is really not going to tell you a whole lot that you didn't already know.

I think that the best way to approach spiritual gifts is to try different areas of service. If you gravitate toward one area, and seem to get good results and good feedback from the people you're serving, then that's a good indication that it's one of your spiritual gifts. You can then thank God for His provision, while keeping in mind that it doesn't mean you're "off the hook" for any other type of service. I may not have the same gift for evangelism that my friend Matt has, but that doesn't mean that I don't need to tell people about Jesus. I may not have the same gift of mercy that my friend Karen has (see previous post on the subject), but that doesn't mean that I don't need to work on developing compassion for people. At the same time, if you don't seem to gravitate toward any one area, and can't figure out what your gift is, don't sweat it. You don't need to label yourself to serve God effectively. Just love God and serve Him, and He'll show you opportunities to use whatever it is you're good at to serve His kingdom.

Does that make sense? Maybe it's not even that important of an issue; I just don't like to see people stressing over this spiritual gift question, and feeling like there's something wrong with them if they can't "find their gift." I've been there in past days, and I know how stressful that feeling can be. Following the narrow path is a difficult enough task without adding unnecessary burdens!

Lee and the Kiddoes

Alright, time for a real post. I don't have time to ramble tonight (I ought to be in bed already), so I'll just let the pics do most of the talking.

My best friend in the world is seven years older than me. People always think it's a bit strange that we were inseparable when I was in junior high and she was in college, but it's true. My friend Lee knows me as well as anyone in the world, and we've always been thick as thieves. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding (when I was fifteen), and now she's a happy wife and mother of 3 beautiful boys. Here they are.

Levi, the oldest, is 3 years old:

Levi is a very sweet child. He is very sensitive to the feelings of those around him, especially his mom. He is always trying to make sure she is feeling happy. His sensitivity can also be rather funny, however, when he (often) comes crying to Lee over the slightest physical injury, real or imagined, and usually receives her "tough love" response: "Oh, you're fine, stop crying and walk it off!"

Jonah, the second son, will be 2 years old in September:

Jonah is the toughest little kid ever. He goes tumbling off of tables and things, and he never cries or misses a beat. It's unbelievable, and rather comical next to his big brother's sensitivity. He is also very articulate--he speaks in sentences already, and he's not even 2 yet! Amazing kid. As you can see in this picture, he likes tomatoes.

And last but not least, Malachi (we call him Mickey) is six months old: He's the most laid-back child I've ever seen. He likes to be held, or just to sit and watch the world go by, as his mom would say. Even when he's unhappy, he just cries so quietly. He's sweet. When I go to see them, I like to hold Mickey the whole time. I'm so glad he doesn't have stranger anxiety yet. :)

When Lee took this picture of me and Mickey, Levi demanded to see it. When we showed it to him on the camera, he declared with firm approval, "Oh, that's cute!" Haha.

Well, time for bed. Good night!

Soundtrack of My Life

Alright, I'm jumping on Karen's and Cassie's and Jill's bandwagon.

Here's my soundtrack...it wasn't done at random, of course. You guys know I could never allow something so important (lol) to be done at random--and besides, I listen to a lot of classical music, which would never do for this. Soundtracks need lyrics. I said once that I could make one using only Collective Soul songs, and I hold to that, but I decided to branch out for this one.

So here's what a little thought and a few decisions came up with:

Opening Credits: “Another Day” by Steven Deloupolos
“I nursed my coffee till the dawn
And waited for another day...”

Average Day: “Breathe In” by Frou Frou
“I have to be somewhere—
Now where did I put it?”

First Date: “I Should be Sleeping” by Emerson Drive
“I should be sleeping ‘stead of keeping
These late hours I’ve been keeping,
I’ve been pacing and retracing every step of every move...”

Love Scene: “The Way You Look Tonight” by Michael Buble
“With each word, your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart,
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart...”

Breaking Up: “Life Got in the Way” by Sister Hazel
“And I wanted you so much
Just like I do right now,
I wanted us to be the ones
The poets write their books about,
I wanted it to last,
I wanted to grow old,
But life got in the way...”

Long Night Alone: “I am a Rock” by Simon and Garfunkel
“I am a rock, I am an island...
I have my books and my poetry to protect me...”

Getting Back Together: “Brighter than Sunshine” by Aqualung
“I never understood before
I never knew what love was for,
My heart was broke, my head was sore,
What a feeling...
What a feeling in my soul,
Love burns brighter than sunshine...”

Life’s Okay: “Better Now” by Collective Soul
“Oh I’m newly calibrated,
All shiny and clean,
I’m your recent adaptation,
Time to redefine me...
Let the word out, I’ve got to get out,
Oh I’m feeling better now!”

Driving: “Next Homecoming” by Collective Soul
“I cleared the road wide open,
So put your hand on the wheel and steer...”

Learning a Lesson: “Sorry” by Bic Runga
“I’ve been looking ‘round the pantry for a box of sorries,
I’m all run out, yeah, I’m all run out...
It’s not that hard to say, I know,
It’s not that hard to say, so why can’t I say it now?”

Partying: “Ready for the Good Times” by Shakira
“I’m ready for the good times,
I’m ready for the good times,
Now that I’m not alone...”

Happy Dance: “E Raffaella E Mia” by Tiziano Ferro
“E Raffaella canta a casa mia,
E Raffaella balla a casa mia...”

Regretting: “A Long December” by Counting Crows
(although almost any Counting Crows song can fit into this category)
“I can’t remember all the times
I try to tell myself to hold on
To these moments as they pass...”

Death Scene: “With Hope” by Steven Curtis Chapman
“We can cry with hope,
We can say goodbye with hope,
Because we know our goodbye is not the end,
We can breathe with hope,
Because we believe with hope,
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again...”

Closing Credits: “Holy Sunlight” by Steven Deloupolos
“Holy sunlight, holy rain
Lead me for salvation,
The distant gospel train...
Oh the ocean’s deep enough to drown,
But I feel the sailboat’s close around me,
He will find me in time...”

My Brains are Scrambled

For some reason I couldn't sleep well last night. My sleep came in fits and starts, so now my thoughts are all disjointed.

I had a disturbing dream right before I woke up. My friend Lauren, one of my better friends from high school, died suddenly earlier this summer. This morning I dreamed about her, and even though I had not forgotten in the dream that she had died, she was out walking around anyway. The explanation was that she had been in a coma where everyone thought she was dead, but now she was okay. (I read too many fantasy books, I swear.) In this dream she was taking great delight in scaring a bunch of people, and then she and this friend of hers started chasing me. They eventually ambushed me on this narrow staircase, one in front and one behind, and they were trying to kill me. Somehow the attack ended but it was never resolved. It was a very disturbing, Donnie Darko-esque dream. I woke up thinking, "Lauren was so much nicer before she died...wait..." and had to figure out all over again what had happened in real life. It was too weird.

Then, on top of that, I woke up with a Backstreet Boys song stuck in my head. I know, talk about a rough night! I haven't even heard it in years. It's the one that goes,
"I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me..."

I am angry about having this song in my head. Not only is it offensive in its lack of musical merit, it's just dumb. I think it may be one of the absolute dumbest relationship songs ever, one that should sit next to the Beatles' "All You Need is Love." Please. Too many people listen to songs like that and really take to heart this naive idea that love is all you need to make it. Nope, sorry. Eventually they get knocked down by life and learn it the hard way; or they never learn it at all and wonder why their relationships never last and their lives are in shambles. I care a whole lot about who my boyfriend is, where he's from, and what he's done in the past, along with other criteria like what his faith is like, how he treats his family, etc. The fact that he loves me is just one of many criteria speaking in his favor. I have to look at it that way because marriages are built on more than love. Songs like this one ought to be rated SC-10 for "Stupid Content" and burned. That probably wouldn't prevent people from being dumb, but hey, there's no need to celebrate stupidity in music!

Alright, I'm getting ready for work now. Just needed to vent.

Heartless

Lately I've been non-busy enough to become rather introspective and do a little soul-searching. One never really likes what one finds as a result of that activity (generally speaking), but I am most appalled by a weakness I'd never really identified as such before.

I have so, so little compassion.

When I think of Jesus and the life He lived, and the way He died for the sins of humanity, one of the first words to jump to mind is "compassion." Compassion is one of the most important qualities for any Christian to aspire to. Compassion for the lost, compassion for the needy, compassion for the downhearted. But I have very little compassion for anybody. Why am I so heartless?

Take the last few days, for instance. This weekend one of my least favorite coworkers got fired, and my reaction was excitement, something along the lines of "Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead!" I felt slightly guilty about that, but only because I was well aware that people aren't supposed to enjoy it when other people lose their jobs, and that slight guilt really didn't change the fact that his termination made my week. Then today, when my boss told me that he had called crying (he really is in a bad situation now), I laughed. I wasn't laughing to keep from crying, I was laughing because I thought it was funny. "Ha ha, what a pansy. His girlfriend must've given him a black eye." How ugly is that reaction? Then when I got home, I read on my friend's blog that her car had gotten broken into and her credit card and ID got stolen. The first thought that ran through my mind, instead of concern, was "Why did she leave her credit card and ID in the car in the first place?" (I'm sorry Karen. I really am sorry you lost those things, and especially your Bible.)

So you see the pattern here? I'm absolutely heartless, there's no way around it. I rarely offer sympathy to anyone who comes complaining to me. While that's not always a bad thing (people who are really being ridiculous don't need to be coddled), I really don't like this pattern. I think Jesus needs to change me.

Just throwing that out there. I might find some other things that need to go while I'm at it.

A Weakness of Mine

I have a weakness for fantasy novels. Yes, I admit, even bad fantasy books provide me wtih endless entertainment. They always have, at least as long as I've been able to read something besides "See Spot Run." I'm not sure why that is, exactly. Maybe it's because I like to read books in series (single novels end too quickly), and any self-respecting fantasy story comes in at least a trilogy, or a series, or a cycle, or whatever. After all, if you are going to go to all the trouble to create an entire world, populated with creatures with outlandish names, you might as well milk it for all it's worth, right? One of my favorite series is ten volumes long, with two "companion books," and I must admit that I own them all. (Yeah, I'm pathetic.)

My latest weakness came in the form of Eragon, a fairly recently published work that was a runaway success a few years ago, and whose sequel Eldest (it's a trilogy, of course) is currently on some bestseller list or other. I expected it to be terrible, but I was curious, especially since the movie comes out this December (starring Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich). It wasn't exactly something to be placed next to Lord of the Rings on one's bookshelf, but I am not gonna lie, it's a guilty pleasure of mine, not a victim of the scathing review I had jokingly promised. I liked it enough to go out and buy Eldest, while Eldest still isn't in paperback yet. Grr, yes, I gave in. :)

Perhaps I enjoy it because I'm aware of the fact that it was written by a teenager. Christopher Paolini wrote Eragon when he was fifteen and sixteen years old, and it had achieved some serious success (including the New York Times Bestseller List) by the time he was nineteen. When you take that into account, it's an incredibly complex and ambitious work. Not perhaps the most original, but after all there's a lot of more worthless drivel that gets published every year. And if he's borrowing flagrantly, at least it's from the good stuff. His ideas about dragons and their riders come straight from Anne McCaffrey's Dragonriders of Pern series, his ideas about magic strongly recall Ursula K. Le Guin's Earthsea Cycle, and the coexistence of elves, men, and dwarves naturally brings Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy to mind (and some of the names are so similar to Tolkien's, it makes me laugh). Naturally, I've read all of those books and their endless sequels, so I'm fantasy-savvy enough to see what he's doing. If I weren't such a voracious reader of fantasy myself, I would have no idea how little of Eragon is actually the creation of its author. Therefore, it doesn't surprise me that it gets such a positive reception from its mostly teenaged audience. (Apparently because of the fact that it was written by a teen and isn't raunchy, it's been relegated to the kid's section of bookstores and libraries. However, like the Harry Potter series, it is far too complex and mature for anyone younger than, say, twelve or thirteen to read and appreciate.) Still, I have to admire Mr. Paolini for his ability, not only to sit down and write such an ambitious project, but to follow through on publishing and publicity and all the rest at such a young age. And, amazingly enough, he even looks like a halfway normal person in his photograph (I was expecting a far more pitifully geeky type). Kudos to him, really. Hopefully this is just his juvenalia, and he'll develop more complexity, originality, and polish as he gets older. But then again, even if he doesn't, he'll still have helpless fantasy addicts like me buying his books. :)

"Living in Fear Will Drive You Mad..."

"The ancient road you thought was new,
It's all we have to make it through..."
--Steven Deloupolos, "Me Died Blue"

Something about travelling broadens one's perspective. I used to have no interest whatsoever in anything that was going on outside the city of Lubbock, or at most the state of Texas. If it didn't directly affect me or my loved ones, what did it matter? But now I'm keenly interested in some worldwide events. I want to know some of the stuff that's going to affect my friends in Europe...because the Europeans, and pretty much non-Americans in general, aren't just hypothetical to me anymore. They're real folks, and nice ones too. I say I'm interested in some events, because I'm still not the most informed person in the world (ha), but I do pull up news sites and peruse the articles about Israel and Lebanon, and especially the recent events in England. Can you believe that they just prevented another September 11th? Most people don't seem to really grasp the seriousness of the situation. When people in the pharmacy talk about it, they're just kind of like, "Huh. Good thing we outsmarted them." And then on with daily life, and the usual complaints about the weather and gas prices. Hello, we could have been bombed again! On the other hand, though, what other reaction can a person really give? We can't go around being scared of every Muslim on the planet, or wake up in the morning looking for terrorists around every corner. But you have to admit that it's a crazy and unsettling world we live in. If I had been in Europe for 4 more days, I might still be there now. All things considered, I'm so glad to be home.

But then that whole "broadening" effect kicks in, and I feel like my roommate's beta fish. I've tasted the ocean, and now I have to go back to this teeny tiny aquarium and eat little bland flakes for breakfast and supper. Haha okay, so maybe the analogy only goes so far, but I'm actually pretty serious. Suddenly my small world, that used to be all I ever wanted, feels suffocatingly small. I want to be out moving around and learning things and rubbing shoulders with people from other cultures, and I can't.

But this is all part of the readjustment period, I'm sure. I'm pretty good at adjusting, usually. And it's not like I have no opportunities to meet interesting people here. My church has an internationals ministry that specifically reaches out to foreign students who are here at the university. If I have time this semester, I'd love to get involved. My "broadening" can benefit me right here, even if I never travel again. The Lord has blessed me with this experience, to help me to see the world more like he does, and not just as this irrelevant blank area on my mental map.

And it's times like these when I am especially grateful for the Lord's blessing, in so many ways. I can live in confidence that, no matter how crazy the world seems to get, God is in control and is not surprised by any of it. More than that, He's got a perfect plan that will work for the good of those who love Him. I don't have to live in fear, no matter what. And that is more valuable than anything else I know.

Striking Out in the Book Department

This morning I went to get my books for school this fall. I'm a senior this year (which feels weird to say for some reason), but I still feel pretty enthusiastic when I go get my textbooks. Something about the academic potential of a new semester always gets me a little excited. But today, I only came out of there with one little book. This is because my roommate already has the book I need for one of the classes, and I either already have the books for the rest or I will have to wait till I get to class (small classes usually don't bother to stock the books in the bookstores). I suppose I should be overjoyed that I don't have to spend much money on textbooks this semester, but somehow I couldn't help but be a little bummed out that I didn't have a nice stack. Oh well. :)

Yesterday I went back to work, and it was kind of weird, but good. It felt good to be back being productive again, and I hadn't forgotten how to do my job or anything (lol). My coworkers were glad to see me back, and I found a huge pile of paperwork for me to do. It's a job that I usually handle, and I had left instructions so they would know how, but since they were shorthanded with me gone, it just piled up. I didn't really enjoy going through it all last night, but hey, it makes me feel important. Lol. And goodness knows I need to be working toward getting back in the black (this trip put me majorly in the red). So yeah...good times.

After work I went to get groceries, and I was struck by how HUGE the grocery store is. And the aisle with the Italian food cracked me up, because it's like a whole aisle of spaghetti sauce, which was next to impossible to find in Italy. You could find a whole aisle of tomato paste, but Italians do not believe in pre-made sauce. They spice up their own. I had to search high and low to find the one bottle of lazy-man spaghetti sauce in the whole place. Haha. Anyway, the grocery store in Texas was a whole new experience, and just rubbing shoulders with my fellow Texans felt good in a way. Since I've been people-watching for six weeks, I am now seeing these Lubbockites with new eyes. I've decided that they're a lot more interesting than I previously gave them credit for. Also, I feel that my faith is being restored in Americans in general. I don't know if it ever came out in my blog or anything, but I severely disliked almost every American I met over there, besides Rachel and a couple of my roommates. They were the whiniest, most annoying, loudest, snobbiest, most demanding, stupidest people ever, and I always thought to myself that if I were an Italian, I would hate Americans. But you know, the Americans who travel overseas aren't the best cross-section of society. They tend to be the rich snobby ones who are used to having everything their way. The study abroad kids tend to be the rich snobby ones whose daddies pay for everything, and therefore tend to take pretty much everything for granted. But now I'm back in the real world, where people actually have jobs and work hard and appreciate what they have, and are generally nice, good people. I knew there was a reason I liked Lubbock. :)

I have also noticed that studying abroad has made me a lot bolder. I find myself conversing with random people on planes, with the checkers and sackers at the grocery store, with our customers in the pharmacy, etc. I used to never strike up random conversations with people, but now I figure I might as well. Haha extroverts have more fun, there's no doubt about that. I don't know if I would quite classify myself as a complete extrovert or anything, since I'm still a pretty reserved person by nature. But something about running off by myself and being forced to meet a bunch of new people has made me a lot less intimidated by the whole process. I figure that's a good by-product, mostly. Hopefully it doesn't mean I'm obnoxious now or anything!

Well it's time to put the scrubs on. Off to work!

Maxwell House and Mini Wheats

Well...I'm back. I didn't feel all that different when I was gone, but now that I'm back I feel so weird. Everything just seems so surreal. I keep being weirded out by things that used to be normal and unquestioned ("Dang! Look at all these HUGE cars!"), and I keep being distracted by the fact that I can understand all these conversations going on around me...to the point that I find it difficult to keep a conversation going. Lol. I drove yesterday, and had a hard time because I'm not used to having to pay attention to where I'm going. Agh.

And breakfast just ain't the same when I can't go to the Caffeteria Emo. Sigh.

It's not quite as bad, but it's almost the same "culture shock" feeling that I had in my first couple of days over there. Things are at least familiar, but everything is so different, and my life has completely changed again. It's a little depressing...partially because one never really wants to completely change all at once, and partially because it's coupled with the knowledge that I will probably never go back; and even if I did make it back over the ocean, I wouldn't be able to live there long-term again. It's so sad!

All the same, though, I am so happy to be back with people that I love. I spent yesterday driving back from Dallas with my dad, and it was great. Then my mom came to my apartment and joined us after she got off work. Dad took me to Rosa's, upon my request...and laughed a lot, saying I was acting like I'd been in prison for twenty years or something. Hey man, Rosa's is exciting stuff when you haven't had it in six weeks! When my mom got there, we went to get soft pretzels at the mall (another random thing I missed), and then afterward I opened my red wine and cheese I had brought from Tuscany, and we enjoyed a little taste of Italy. Maybe we were drinking the wine out of mason jars...but hey, you work with what you've got!

Now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by all these details of my life that I need to get back in order. The real world is back! And I'm going back to work today. So, I'm off!

Arrivederci, Roma

Oh, dear. There's a song called "Arrivederci, Roma," and now it's stuck in my head. I never thought it was a sad song before I got here, but I also didn't know that arrivederci meant "good-bye" before I came, so...now I think it's sad. :(

This will be my final post from Rome. Tomorrow will be spent mostly packing and cleaning the apartment, and hopefully going out with the roomies to eat some good food. I took my final exam today, and I came back to school to turn in my cell phone, so after today I no longer have any reason to come to this lab! I'll be home on Sunday night. Er, Stateside, that is. I'll be in Lubbock sometime Monday afternoon. I'm looking forward to seeing all of you again!

Today, as I said, I took my final exam. I ended up not studying at all, lol. I kept trying after I got home last night, but Claudia kept talking to me, and then Nancy kept talking to me, and then I got sleepy. Enh, it happens. I did fine, I'm sure--it was mostly essays. So anyway, after finishing my class, I did some last-minute shopping for the souvenirs and gifts I've been eyeing all summer (and had not yet acquired), and for a few things at the grocery store. As I was walking back to the apartment, I kept wondering why everyone and their mother was asking me for directions (I sent at least 4 in the direction of the Vatican Museum)...until I realized that I was carrying a sack of groceries. Makes me look like I live here or something.

As I was hanging out in the bus, I started to realize that I'm on the brink of being able to understand Italian. (Great. I'm leaving just as I'm starting to be able to communicate.) For instance, yesterday at the beach a lady in the line for the bathroom asked me if she could go in front of me since she was eighty years old and needed to go right now...I told her sure, no problem. That was all in Italian. Today two ladies on the bus were griping about some lady they met yesterday who couldn't understand Italian (haha). One of the ladies kept saying she couldn't understand why this lady was doing something (not sure what). On another bus, a man was recommending a restaurant to the lady next to him, telling her what they usually served, where it was, and how much it cost. On the metro today, the doors kept not being able to close because someone in another compartment was standing in the way; a man in my compartment kept hollering that they needed to hurry up and move. "Avanti! Let's go!" I understood him, too. (Haha then, he stepped out of the train so he could yell at them some more, and the doors closed right then, and everyone laughed. I guess he was stuck waiting for the next train. Ti sta bene!--serves you right!). Anytime people talk about places, or use numbers, or mention their families, or talk about food, I can understand...although I may not understand what they're saying about all those things. And I can talk to people about where I'm from--including why Texas is better than the rest of the US--things I like, why I'm in Rome, etc. So you see why I'm frustrated? I have just now reached the point where I can talk and understand some things and read stuff. Ah well.

(On the subject of communication, I found a new favorite example of bad English. The sign next to the driver on one of the buses says, "Not to disturb leading." I'm pretty sure that means, "Do not distract the driver"...)

As I was walking home from shopping, it was around noon, and I was thinking to myself what a lovely day it was...so cool and breezy. A second later I realized how ironic it was that I was thinking that while sweat poured down my back. :) I actually felt quite cool, though, so I decided, I'll take it! In Rome, cool is relative.

After lunch I went to say good-bye to a few of my favorite places.

Bye, Pantheon.

Bye, Colosseum and Forum and Appenine Mountains.

I visited the Vittorio Emanuele Monument again too, climbing all those hundreds of stairs again, because I like it. I'm not gonna lie, I got a little misty for a while there, thinking about all the things I've loved so much here, that I will most likely never see again. I did throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain, which supposedly means I'll come back...so I guess I can always hope, right?

So that was pretty much it for today. After my legs felt like rubber, I came back to school for some final business. Tonight my roomies and I are having dinner here in Trastevere, buying lemonade from the Beautiful Man in the lemonade stand (he's legendary among the females here at JCU, but I'm too much of a chicken to take his picture), and walking along the Tiber.

I think that at some point I will want to write about the trip in general, about what I learned and how I felt about it overall. I was planning on doing that in this final post, but I am not up to it today. I'm just feeling sad and empty and overall uninspired. Perhaps that's best left for when I get back home.

So until then...I love you all so dearly.

Arrivederci, Italia. Ti amo.

Ostia Antica! and Ah, the Beach!

It seems like every time I post something, I keep saying, "This is maybe my favorite thing of the trip so far." I need to stop saying that, because I keep coming up with new favorite things. My current fave is Ostia Antica, which we visited in class today. Ostia was the seaport of Rome from the 4th century BC onwards (we're not sure where the port was before that, although we know they had one). Today, the ancient site is 4 km from the sea, because the coastline has receded that much. Also, the Tiber no longer flows by the site because it changed its course. These things are mildly interesting, but very important in terms of the site's preservation. Because they no longer had the sea or the river, the people of Ostia moved and built elsewhere, leaving us an entire town of ruins to explore. Unlike Rome, where we have to dig through the layers of subsequent habitation, Ostia is a great picture of what an ancient Roman town would have looked like. It doesn't have many monuments, but there are lots of business areas, apartments, and places where people made things / stored things. It is amazing. Here are some pictures:

Rachel and I, enjoying cappuccino before class at a bar in Ostia.
A fairly well preserved public restroom. It was a whole room with these benches with holes in them, lined up around the walls. Apparently going to the bathroom, like bathing, was a social activity. My professor even went on to inform us that people used sponges on sticks instead of toilet paper, and slaves were in charge of cleaning them for the next people. Can you imagine? "Please, master, don't put me on sponge duty! I'll do anything!" Lol.
In the center of the town, there's a whole commercial area, a square lined with stalls. Each stall had a mosaic in front that was the "sign" of the businessmen or corporation that ran it. This one is the stall of a group of shipbuilders.

A very nice and well preserved theater, completely covered with OGSNPs. Yeah, that's right, they were there. In droves. Somehow they were managing to completely mob both Rome and Ostia at the same time.*As a side note, one of the OGSNPs was climbing where he shouldn't have been, and my professor yelled at him. She was quite indignant that he was "offending the ancient ruin." I'm sure the ruin was beside itself, so we're glad she said something.

This is my wonderful teacher, Professor Fuhrmann. She is pretending to be a bartender in this amazingly well preserved snack bar, which is much like the ones you'd find in Rome today. "Caffé? Margarita? Beer? Ja, for good luck, this bar is very well preserved!"
So that was Ostia Antica. It was absolutely fascinating, and not the sort of thing I've ever studied in books (not flashy enough), and I just love the ability to walk through the actual corridors and see what it would have looked like for a person who lived there. :)

After we fully explored the ruin, the rest of the class went home while Rachel and I went the other direction, to go to the beach. Ostensibly we were going to the beach to study together for our final tomorrow; however, both of us knew that we were only saying that to rationalize our trip, and that once we got there we would no longer need to rationalize it and therefore wouldn't study a lick. :) Rachel studied some of the men on the beach, if you count that. We had lots of fun, because we get to talking and can go on for hours. Rachel is one of those really opinionated people, and she's a complete liberal in many ways, so I disagree with at least half of what she says. But she can always tell you why she thinks something, and she is always willing to listen to and respect my viewpoint...so this is why we get along so well despite being extremely different. I will listen to her, and while I don't always agree with her conclusions, I can always see how she got there, so I respect her a lot. Such a relationship is rare, at least in my experience, so I think it's great fun. We discussed everything from homosexuality, to Catholicism, to evolution and atheism, to reincarnation, to politics, to our families...you get the idea. And if we ever had a lull, we could always rant about how those OGSNPs were everywhere. They didn't have their neckerchiefs on at the beach, but they were not hard to spot...just look for the blindingly white teenage people who speak loud German. :)

We didn't get into the water until the very end, but that was, um, funny. The water was very choppy, with lots of huge waves. I got in about thighs deep, and the waves would come up to my shoulders. Everything was all hunky-dory until this exceptionally big one came in...I saw it coming, but it still wiped me out! We're talking completely prostrate, face down in the sand. It was hilarious! Fortunately, I didn't breathe in / swallow any of the water, or get it into my eyes. A little went up my nose and burned a bit, but that was all. Mostly it was just funny. :) I decided I'd better stay ankle deep after that...I'm such a helpless landlubber, and obviously can't handle the ocean. I didn't want to die. :)

On our way back to Rome, Rachel and I started a list of the things we'll miss. A lot of it centered around food, like some of the things I've mentioned before. Some of it is just the beauty of the place we're in...or the character of this wonderful city. We'll even miss the river. Rachel was like, "Oh Tiber, I will miss you...you big green stinky thing!" Lol.

So yeah...I have a final tomorrow. It's almost 8:00 and I still haven't studied a lick. Ah well. But I guess I need to quit rambling here. Ta ta for now!

"The World's Done Shakin' Me Down..."

Currently Listening:

"Better Now" by Collective Soul from Youth
(because I'm pretty sure I could create an entire Soundtrack to My Life using only CS songs)


I am glad to inform you all that I am no longer depressed. Haha those things never last long, because it's not fun to be depressed. Nancy was right when she said that homesickness increases with physical discomfort (I might even add that it increases exponentially). I started feeling better, having finally cooled off, around 5:00 yesterday, and my current book makes me laugh, so that helped. It's one of those books that you have to read somewhere besides a library. I was in the library and having to choke back my laughter to keep from disturbing everyone, and as it was, the people in the same room with me were giving me funny looks. I don't know why people always look at me like I'm an alien when I read something funny. Has it never occurred to them that humor is a device that could be employed by an author? Of course, sometimes I laugh at things even when they're not supposed to be funny. While I was reading Angels and Demons in my apartment, one of the many plot twists (I won't say which one, just in case you haven't read it and want to) was so far-fetched and downright crazy that I just threw my head back and howled with laughter. "Please!!! Hire me! I could come up with something better than that!" My roommates seemed to think I was delirious or something, but sometimes things in books are just funny!

Okay, anyway, I'm feeling better now. Even the Obnoxious German-Speaking Neckerchief People can't bring me down today. Have I told you about the OGSNPs? They are apparently having some sort of conference in Rome this week, attracting hordes and hordes and hordes (I'm telling you, thousands) of teenagers from several different countries (mostly German speaking). I have battled with many a tourist army while here in Rome, but these people are by far the worst. They go around in groups of 20 or so, all wearing matching T-shirts and hats and with neckerchiefs tied around their necks like Boy Scouts. Each little group has a different color scheme, and usually one of them is waving a big flag of some sort. I am not sure whether the flags are to keep the group together or for spirit...I think it must be spirit, because these people are the most annoying, spirited people I've ever come into contact with. (They remind me greatly of the hordes of high school StuCo nerds I met at the Texas Association of Student Councils one year. I'm sure many of you have heard me tell that story...trust me, these people are just as bad.) They go around chanting things and singing. I'm thinking, "No! Tell me you are not walking around Rome singing!" Ugh. Yesterday they were everywhere that my class was trying to be, being obnoxious and doing crazy things like jumping in the fountains (I could tell my prof was about to go say something to them. She's Austrian...I wish she had). Last night they were hording around the bus stop just across my street, chanting and singing so loudly that I couldn't sleep. Today when I got off one bus to switch to another, I took one look at the hordes camping out at the bus stop and realized that there was no way I'd fit on the next bus, so I walked the rest of the way to school. And naturally, everywhere I turned I kept finding more...and more...and more Obnoxious German-Speaking Neckerchief People, always in my way. Apparently they are under the impression that sidewalks are places where you stand around in large groups, looking stupid and hollering German at the top of your lungs. In such cases, I have found that I get the best results when I play the part of the indignant local: "Permesso!" Don't get me wrong, I'm not really trying to be anti-German. I am sure that if you brought that many American teenagers here, they'd be at least as bad. But whoever they are, these people are seriously out of control. They make for a fun rant, though.

I actually started this post to tell you about my fun morning on the Appian Way. I got up very early to go see it in the cool of the morning. My roommates were up early as well, but they went to see the pope this morning. I had no desire whatsoever to go with them...so for those of you who wanted me to say hi to the pope for you, sorry. I just knew that I would be a.) bored and b.) annoyed the whole time, since it's all in Italian, and those Obnoxious German-Speaking Neckerchief People were guaranteed to be there in droves. I think I got a much better deal seeing the Appian Way; it just might have been my very favorite part of this whole trip. So anyway, off I went on a long train ride followed by a long bus ride, to get out of central Rome.

The Appian Way is the most famous road from antiquity. The Romans were excellent road builders, and the Via Appia was the regina viarum, the queen of roads, because it was the smoothest, widest, fastest road in the Empire. It heads south out of Rome, and armies on campaign usually were sent out or greeted along this road. Many Romans built their funerary monuments near it, because burials had to be outside the city, but the nobles wanted their monuments to be highly visible.

Today, the road is still there. It's called Via Appia Antica now to distinguish it from Via Appia Nuova, a different road nearby.

It's still used; people live on it and drive their cars on it. There are stretches, like this one, that are still mostly paved with the same ancient stones:

I went to see the archaeological stuff but was struck by how beautiful the whole area was. I would love to live in this house! The whole road was lined with cute old houses, surrounded by old medieval stone walls overgrown with ivy. It was lovely. And you'd be surprised how much cooler it is when one is away from the pavement, pollution, and people in the inner city.

This is the tomb of Cecillia Metella. She was the daughter of the triumvir Crassus (first triumvirate: Pompey, Crassus, and Julius Caesar). It is very large, and it was converted to a fortress in the middle ages, hence the crenellated top (hard to see in this pic).

Some remains of the Circus of Maxentius. Maxentius was the emperor defeated by Constantine in the 4th century, at the battle where Constantine claimed to have seen a vision from God. Constantine, of course, subsequently legalized Christianity in the Roman Empire.

A funerary monument, probably of a family of freed slaves. Freedmen tended to build monuments like this, showing themselves wearing the toga and and the ring, both of which symbolized Roman citizenship. In the days before Caracalla, Roman citizenship was a big deal, and freed slaves were naturally quite excited about it.

I'm not sure why the Italian Air Force decided to appropriate a large park-like area containing random medieval structures...but it would sure be a wicked place to play paintball.

I explored the road for most of the morning, covering (I think) about 3 miles of it. I know that there is cool stuff all the way to the 11th milestone, but I couldn't walk that far and didn't feel like renting a bike. I saw enough, though, to make me grin. It was sooo beautiful, and so quiet and peaceful. I hardly saw any other humans, while I heard jillions of birds and saw several lizards. It was nice.

That's the story from here, I guess. This post is entirely too long already, so I think I will go ahead and close off. Those of you who have actually been reading all of these posts in their entirety...bravo. Summarizing is not one of my strengths!

Let Me Go Home...

Currently Listening:


(because it's just too appropriate--the ultimate "I'm-depressed-in-Europe" song)

I think I'm ready to go home now, guys. I must sound schizophrenic, wanting to move to Italy one day and wanting to leave the next. But I'm just inexplicably depressed today. I want to go home to the people I love and the things that are familiar. It's really not so much that I'm tired of Italy; Italy is still wonderful, I just need to go home.

The heat doesn't help things. Agosto has come in all his fury; even the native Romans know better than to stay in the city during August. They close their businesses and leave the city in droves, heading to the beach or the mountains for almost the whole month, usually. I can see why. It's so hot today...I am pretty sure I'll never be able to fully explain the utter misery of being outside today, but trust me when I say it's the worst it's been this whole trip. Even my professor, who until today had us convinced she was made of iron, was struggling and ended up calling class early because the heat and humidity were unbearable. And yet, we still had to bear it...On my way back to school, I wondered if I would ever get there. I don't know what it feels like to pass out from heat, but I'm pretty sure I was close to doing it today. Rachel was asking me if I was going to make it!

So yeah, I overheated pretty badly, and I still don't feel well. That probably is why I'm down. I want to go back to the apartment and sleep, but going home takes at least 45 minutes, either baking at the bus stop and in the bus-turned-sauna, or walking home. And I know that once I get there, I'll just be sweating anyway, since of course there's no air conditioning. The fan helps, but it's not enough today. So I can't handle going out in the heat now. I feel kind of stuck here, bored, nauseated, head aching, and depressed.

I normally don't allow myself to post thoroughly depressing things like this, I suppose because I don't want to bring people down, but that's really all I've got today. Sorry.

This computer lab is kinda hot, so I'm going to take refuge in the (slightly) cooler library. Lots of love to you guys...